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Old 06-22-2007, 09:45 AM   #1
violaroses violaroses is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: CA
Posts: 67
violaroses HB User
if only i could run away,

i have posted a few times, i am so down, i have asked God to take over for me. its too big , but I keep taking it back from him so i can worry over it more. i have twin 9 year old girls, loooovvee them. i am an only child, i cant adjust to their fighting. ( i will have to though ) but emily has depression problems, everynight she writes to herself about all these bad thoughts. so i have talked to her school, and i have to get her in therapy. she misses my dad who died soo bad, when i talk to my mom she says we talk about grandpa too much, and her boyfriend says we have to get over it. that hurt them saying that.

my mom has a spot on her lung, my dad died of lung cancer. she is gettng it checked out today, she says plans on not having any treatment if is cancer- because she doesnt want to feel sick. i know i have too much stuff on my plate to worry about something that might not be, but mom i need you .

i am really depressed because i dont like my mom right now, she has been such a mean person to me, she is defensive around me. like i am going to say somethign that will tee her off.
my mom is agnostic, so we dont see religion the same way, i am tired of her telling my girls that dad is just a memory now. it hurts them, so i tell them no, grandpa is in heaven, and we have to believe their is a window he can see out sometimes and look at us.
sometimes i wonder if i will ever see the light again, the depression keeps me so heavy.