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Old 06-24-2007, 06:03 PM   #17
4support 4support is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: TEXAS
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Re: Lamictal questions...

Dear Tsohl,

We have been thru so many ups and downs since he started taking lithium, I think this is why I am hesitant to embrace something which seems too good to be true right now. The back and forth is an emotional roller coaster and for as strong as I've always tried to be, it now doesn't take much for me to feel the opposite when the other behaviour starts to emerge.

It does seem he has more self awareness, but he hasn't told me he believes in his dx yet. I am still waiting for him to accept that he has the disorder, I'm sure this has a lot to do with my nervousness. Although he seems to recognize that he 'feels' better and is doing better with the meds and continues to keep taking them, occasionally he will still complain about the costs of therapy/pdoc/meds and say that if we are ever in a tight spot, his treatment will be the first to go because he doesn't know if he really needs the meds anyway. This is so confusing and terrifying to me, it's as if he vascillates between knowing and questioning. I guess what I need is a 100% commitment from him.

The only thing my husband has admitted to is knowing that his 'condition' probably did create a lot of conflict in our home. He has never apologized for anything, told me how much he appreciates me standing by him, or acted aware of how his behaviour affected not only me, but our children. He has said before that he "wasn't that bad" and that I must be exaggerating. He doesn't like to talk about "those days" and seems to have a disconnect with how bad it was while he was manic.

You probably have a clearer idea of why I have the FEAR now. Just having confirmation that he at least understands what he has put us thru, or knowing he would never want to do that again would make me feel better. It is really upsetting to me when he eludes to his treatment being the "first to go" if he feels too much financial pressure, as if all of this is not really necessary to begin with.

Whew, I really do feel I need a therapy session. It has taken so long to get to this point. I just can't imagine he can't see how different everything is, I think he does but for some reason doesn't like to talk about it.

The therapist had mentioned doing a joint session soon now that he has made so much progress, I think that will help get some of this out in the open.

Thank you for the article, I looked it up and plan to read it tonight.

4support

Last edited by 4support; 06-25-2007 at 10:38 AM.