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Old 07-27-2007, 08:19 PM   #1
1stimer662 1stimer662 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2007
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Addicted mother in denial--almost a life story:)

Hello, I've read posts and replied to a few on this board. I am not an addict myself, but my mom is. She is addicted to pills. Not a specific one since she doesn't get any prescribed to her for a certain ache or whatever, but there are a few I've heard of. I know she likes Codine, Loritabs, and Somas(don't know if I spelled those right). But as for how long she's been addicted....as long as I can remember(I'm 27). She's gone on and off of them. She really tried when we were younger, but as we grew older(I have a 4yr. younger sister) she just kindof gave up. I guess she felt she had given us a good enough foundation. Key words--good enough. That's never good enough for me I have to say. My best is all that's good enough with my children. But I have to consider that may have been her best.....I don't know. At times I think it's not possible for her behavior to have been her best, but I'm a firm believer that how we are raised and treated as we grow up affects us as grown-ups. My grandma is very judgemental and can be cruel at times, so I'm sure my mom had it hard mentally and emotionally. You have to put on a good face for my grandma. Maybe the drugs allowed my mom to do just that and not be critisized.....then there was my granddad. Inspector of the Memphis PD......very strict. Kids should be seen and not heard. He softened up when his grandkids were born, but still if we said something "ignorant" or "stupid" his reaction could be more cruel than helpful or guiding. My mom is sooo worried about what others think of her. Too sensitive. She'll imagine something negative where it's not even there. I've told her recently that she's putting too much validation into other's opinions and that they're not even thinking of her 1/2 the time she thinks they are. So don't waste her time thinking of what they might be thinking. But it's gotta be from childhood. If I was constantly thinking this way and didn't know any other way to think I'd be lost too. I've taken the role of her psychiatric advisor, no, I don't have any knowledge in the field. But growing up in the environment that I did is a lesson in itself! My point of writing all this is maybe someone can relate somehow. She recently got arrested for the 3rd DUI and is out of a job, divorcing her 4th husband, and staying with my sister and her family of 5, (my sister's got a burden there that she's taking on like a pro, but I'll never tell my mom I think that). And she's still taking the pills. Still surrounding herself with the "friends" who have drugs in their lives. I know she has to want to stop, but she's in denial. She's talking about suicide and I told her not to even think about it b/c It'd ruin mine and my sister's lives. I wanted her to know how important she was to us and at the same time feel guilty if it ever got serious enough for her to attempt. I'm so lost as to what our relationship is really about. I'm doing well. I'm married to a soldier and focused on health and anything and everything good for my kids. Where the hell did I come from and how am I not addicted? The surrender of my mom's life to pills makes me question so much about life. I know what's important, but I don't know that I'll always feel this way......I have to be sure that I do......but as my mom's psychiatric advisor I'm not doing a very good job w/her!LOL No, I know it's not me that got her into this, but I'm just looking for any insight. Everyone on here is very friendly and I appreciate your time, b/c I know this was a looong post......I just hope it made sense to someone!