Re: Depressed, defeated, lonely and ill too, here's my horror story
I stumbled upon your post, and I can’t help but say something about it. My intent is to be helpful, so please ignore this if I am way out of line.
Firstly, WOW! That IS a horror story! But it seems to me to be full of clues: 1) You were previously a very successful business owner (I’m guessing you have been characterized as an “over achiever” more than once in your life and that there were times when you thought you were unstoppable, and you were probably 100% right at the time); 2) You’ve had an unusual number of accidents; 3) You are married to a Bipolar (Type I – I assume); 4) Your daughter shows symptoms of Bipolar (self mutilation I believe is more typical of the Type II variety); 5) Your parents sound like at least one is/was an “over achiever” (another typical BP Type II trait); 6) You have hit rock bottom and are feeling very depressed and are now searching for hope.
1 – The over achiever personality type is common in BP Type II. Unlike Type I (which it sounds like your husband has), when we (I’m a Type II) are sure we have great ideas, a good bit of the time, we actually do (Type I’s often do too, but when they’re wrong, they’re REALLY wrong, as in gambling). With the added bravado of the “hypomanic” personality, we are likely to be slight risk takers who will start our own ventures, etc.
Depression (which is incidentally usually the only time we ask for help). I would stick to things that make you feel like you and your family can make lemonade out of these lemons until you’re back on top, which I’m sure you will be, if my hunch is right about you. Also, I like to read reviews about books about BP rather than spending the money to buy them (which I do occasionally), because they lead to all sorts of discoveries and insights from others with little financial/time commitment.
2 – I mentioned risk taking, and I’m curious if any of your accidents happened when you were especially driven to get somewhere in a hurry – where it seemed nothing was more important. Type IIs sometimes turn of safety mechanisms when they get overly focused.
3 – BPs of all kinds tend to gravitate to each other. BTW – This is just my opinion, but if your husband is really your best friend, he will understand why he needs the checkbook taken away and needs to be put on an allowance. Most BP Type I's should never be given access to bank accounts – even if they earned all the money themselves – it’s just one of their quirks - they're much bigger risk takers (e.g. gamblers) than Type IIs.
4 – BP is genetic. BTW, I assume your daughter is seeing a psychiatrist. The right ones will give you free Seroquel samples – and I know how much it sucks dealing with the healthcare system when you are having money troubles, but all of you should be qualified for State health aid (trust me, I understand the obstacles, I lived for over 30 years without health insurance – 18 of which since onset of BP, and I know it is challenging, but you have to be persistent about getting the medical attention you need at little or no cost – educating yourself is the key to getting what you and your family need). Also for your daughter, note that BPs tend to be inherently artistic/creative types (writers, inventers, captains of industry, etc), so if your daughter is BP, creative outlets can be especially good for teenagers who need a distraction. If she has a passion for something creative, it could help her get back on track.
5 - A smidge of BP in the genetics? Some hit the gene cocktail jackpot and don't seem to have too much of the downside or are able to effectively hide it, while others in a family suffer from all aspects of the disorder.
6 – As I mentioned before, we never ask for help until depression sets in, but understanding both sides helps make the “over achiever” more balanced and productive, which helps keep the downside at bay. All I can say is, I have been on disability - hit rock bottom, then went through obsessive career building, hit rock bottom again (largely the result of discrimination about my BP, which I keep in the closet now), and now I am on the upswing again – I have my own home-based consulting business (totally flexible work situation), and I am doing all I can to make sure that things stay on the upswing by educating myself.
If none of this even remotely rang true for you, I apologize for my presumptuousness. Now I have to get back to work.
I wish you the best in your journey to find the good luck you so rightly deserve.
Last edited by moderator2; 09-25-2007 at 02:02 PM.
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