Re: he's still not divorced
this is a hard one, but I think the only thing you really can do is look into your future, and ask yourself what you see, what you really want to see. You are in charge of what takes place to a large degree, and the choices are yours. Do you love this man enough to be with him whether or not you have the piece of paper making it official? Or do you want commitment, stability, the wedding day, the white dress, the cake, the "real" home, etc. whether it's with this guy or someone else? Prioritize, decide what's most important to you and go after it. If you love this guy, and being with him now is worth the risk of him deciding in 5 years that he'd rather marry someone else, and you think it's worth the risk of being what I call "Rod Stewarted" (he never married Kelly Emburgh, she gave up her modeling career for him, he claimed "we don't need apiece of paper" etc. then when she was 35 and too old to go back to modeling, he dumped her and was married to Rachel Hunter within 6 months. Is being with this man worth taking the risk of having that happen to you?) or perhaps he would never do that to you, who knows? But keep in mind, he's been married before, therefor he's not that adverse to the institution. I'm pretty sure the day will come, the woman will come, that he will want to marry again. The question is, will it be you? If not, how much time are you willing to sacrifice to him just because you love being with him, even if it has no future?
But keep in mind that whatever happens, you must take the responsibility for the choice you make. I dont' think made it any easier for you. This is just really a hard, hard situation. It's really easy for me as a perfect stranger at a computer keyboard to say "If he really loved you, he'd be divorced by now and ready to move on with his life with you" but I know in your heart it's not that black and white. I guess you just have to think long and hard and ask yourself "what do I really really want, and am I ever going to get it from him?" Good luck to you.