I quit quitting. I have accepted the fact that I will always be a pill junkie.
Okay, I failed my attempt to quit.
I did good for a week without taking any percosets or oxy's at all but instead I was taking tramadol which I didn't think was addictive so I thought I was doing really well without withdrawls that whole week and I was so proud of myself and my energy level was good and I was happy.
My tramadol prescription ran out and withdrawls came on full force. I was back in hotflash hell, crying, depressed, sleepless nights, muscle spasms, moodyness.
My doctor gave me a prescription for vicodan for back pain. I took the whole prescription in one day.
I'm back to where I was again.
I think I give up.
I think I'll be a junkie for the rest of my life. I can't ever stop pills for good. I can't take the withdrawls. I don't want to go to detox. I refuse. My addiction is a secret to my family so I can't be gone that long.
I have a son, a full time job. I can't stop all that and go to detox.
I don't know what else to do. I have no more options.
I just give up.
But i'm not sad right now either because I just took 5 pills.
I'll be sad tomorrow and probably will feel like dying tomorrow but don't worry, i'm not suicidal or anything, just depressed.
I don't know what else to do. I just fully give up now. Just figured I would let you all know thanks for your help, I appreciated it, I just can't do it.