You sound exactly like me. With the exception of work (I've been w/same company over 15 yrs) and your transportation issues, this could be me talking.
No one knows of my addiction & I'm determined to keep it that way. My family (Mom, husband & daughters) would be horrified if they knew I abuse pain pills and tranquilizers. My husband knows I'm fond of both, even got me some pot when I was in major depression - I just can't tell him either for fear it would give him a heart attack (he's had 3 major heart surgeries). We never talk about really deep things. I have the same issue with getting help - how do you get the Sub. stuff? I don't know. Maybe see a phychiatrist (sp) - I've been pondering that one.
I hope you reconsider the taper down again. I've had some hydro recently but take low dosages 7.5 mg maybe a pill or two a day but refuse to go higher. I had headaches and now neck pain. I dread running out but when they're gone, they're gone. I have no more access to the pills, so that's a good thing.
I just want you to know, you're not the only one with this issue cuz I'm right there with ya. Hang in there - that's what I've been doing. Can I ask your age? I'm 47 and not a granny. I just had a hard time coming up with a name
that wasn't already taken.