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Old 10-13-2007, 04:58 PM   #11
Lou1 Lou1 is offline
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Re: I quit quitting. I have accepted the fact that I will always be a pill junkie.

Ilovejoaquim,

I read your post and am very concerned for you.

Quote:
Today I dove into the deep end of the pool. I took so much oxy's and perc's today that i'm actually feeling naucious.
What does your comment about diving into the pool mean? That statement worried me a great deal. I almost read into it that you felt like giving up? Or were you saying that you took so many pills that you didn't even realize that you were diving into the pool? In either case, I see a frightened call for help... one which may very well save your life.
If you truly want to try sub as a last resort to get off the other drugs, then by all means, you should go for it. Sub is far better than taking so many pills that you are making yourself physically sick. Your body, especially the liver, can only take so much abuse before damage occurs.

Quote:
I don't want to talk to my primary doctor about my addiction
Hon, why would you not want to utilize what could be your strongest ally in getting free from addiction? I too am an addict that was hopelessly addicted to hydrocodone and darvocet (10-14 a day of 10 mg hydros plus the darvocet). I tried many times unsuccesfully to taper and was also very frightened of divulging my problem to my physician. I catastrophized (is that a word?), and was convinced that I would be thrown out on my ear as soon as I confessed the true nature of my problem. But, I finally worked up the courage and that doctor visit was the single most important moment in my recovery. Not only was I not shamed by my physician for my problem, but she was very sympathetic to my situation and worked out a program for me to successfully detox....one which included using other medications (closely monitored!) to get me through the worst of the withdrawals. I cannot stress enough how beneficial it would be to be totally honest with your physician. To this day, my wonderful doctor continues to work with me on all sorts of different options we can persue to give me relief from my severe chronic pain situation safely and addiction-free.

Quote:
How else can I get a script for sub without going to detox? where do I go? I don't think any place will give me a prescription for sub without going to a detox.
I have to transportation anywhere so it's not like I can go to meetings somewhere else.
My mother brings me to work everyday so she's my only source and like I said, she doesn't know my addiction.
I also considered the suboxone route when I got off the pills (though I ultimately chose a cold turkey detox). As another member pointed out, it is not at all necessary to go to an inpatient rehab center in order to be prescribed suboxone. You WILL likely need to schedule several visits in the first couple weeks. Some of the sub doctors I called said that an initial evaluation visit would be necessary prior to starting a suboxone treatment program. Others said the initial visit could include the first administration of the suboxone. In most cases, you will need to go back to the doctor a few times in the first week or so to "tweak" the sub doseage. I may be wrong, but I do not think a suboxone doctor is going to write a prescription for an entire month right off the bat until you are stabilized on a particular dose. I bring all this up because you mention the transportation issue. If your mom is your means of travel, it will most likely be necessary to confide in her since she would be the one bringing you to the doctor visits. I don't know your personal relationship with Mom nor how she would react to such news. But, I would think that your making such an effort to get well would be met with a positive and loving reaction as opposed to her just finding out her daughter is a hopeless addict that doesn't care.

I can feel that you truly do not want to give up and just accept a life addicted to drugs. I know from my own personal experience exactly how difficult beating this demon is. But, the rewards of success are SO worth the relatively short period of discomfort we go through during the detox time. I am now at my 5 months point in my recovery drug-free and while I am in no way back to feeling 100% better, I now have the freedom from being enslaved to the daily stress of pill-counting, the constant worrying of running out before I could get another 'script and ....worst of all...the constant shame I felt knowing I was an addict and fearing that someone would find out.
I am praying for you to have the strength to continue your fight. I know you can beat this and wish you the best. Please reconsider sharing your burden with your doctor and family. Why fight alone?

Good luck,
Lou

Last edited by Lou1; 10-13-2007 at 05:01 PM.