Totally worn out, and worn down
I really am having a hard time with patience these days. Mom has only been living with us since August, and at times, feel like I am crawling the walls. She is unalbe to take care of herself any more, and needs 24 hr. care. I have help once a week, and am very greatful for that, but I am feeling like I need more help. Of course, it is so costly,and am trying to keep it at a minimum, but I don't know how much more I can handle. I have been assisting Mom and Dad for the past 10 yrs. or better. Dad has been gone since 2001, and now it's just Mom. She has parkinson's and high blood pressure. She has had problems with her colon and had a colon ressection.She has been in and out of hospitals and rehab. quite a bit in the last few years. I guess I feel worn down and worn out. I am the only child, so I handle everything by myself, which doesn't help. Mom also has terrible bouts with depression, saying things like she would be better off dead, and I know it is that terrible feeling of helplesness, and the loss of her independance. I have talked to a couple of doctors about this, but unless I can get her to understand how important it is to seek some kind of help for this, I am afraid that she is just giving up? I sometimes wonder if I am doing the best thing for her, I promised her years ago that I would not send her to a nursing home. Although if there comes a point,I suppose I will have to. How will I know when that time comes? She has no sense of balance any more, and have to really be careful to watch that she doesn't fall. She is in a wheel chair 95 per cent of the time, with limited use of a 4 wheel walker(With supervision). I bathe her,help her dress, do the finances for her, and she still has a condo that we have to go to one aweek(about 50 min. away from my home) to pick up her mail and other odds and ends. Eventually after we get the place ready for sale, I think she will go ahead and sell, unless she decides to go back and hire someone to live with her there. But in all reality, I don't think she could afford to do that for very long. I know she knows this, which just adds to her frustration. But as you can see, there is no real set plan, which is really hard to deal with. This whole situation is really driving me batty. Oh well...... sorry this was so long!