Very exhausted and just need some opinions.
I am usually giving some advice but today I feel as though I need some fresh input that is unbiased and fair.
I am a SAHM with a five year old and a 18 month old and I am now 6 months pregnant. I have no family support and no outside help to relieve the pressure of be the sole person who looks after the children, for example I do not have anyone that takes the kids out to the zoo, or takes them to the park so that I can at least have a coffee in peace and calm down. My five year old is absolutely hyperactive to the point that I sometimes feel as though my nerves are ready to jump out of my body. My 18 month old is just gorgeous but a very very busy 18 month old.
My husband leaves the house at 7.30am and is not home to usually 6.00pm. He has a sporting interest once a week which he goes to straight after dinner.
I have no outlets and do not have any interests. I have however started working on Saturday a fortnight to get out of the house and to give me a little self esteem (and to feel as though I am contributing financially). The financial part is probably a bit of a joke because I earn next to nothing, but it still makes me feel a little important (if you know what I mean). My husband considers this workiing as "time to myself and a break from the children". He considers his work as "demanding work that brings in the income". I feel as though he demeans what I do by saying that. I am with the kids for 13 days straight and get one day at work. He is at work 5 days straight and gets shared responsibilities (with me) with his children.
He has now told me that his sporting interest is going to take him away for one whole sunday every second fortnight. So that weekend the children will only get to be with their father for one day of the week and I will have them for six whole days straight. I don't mind his once a week activity (after work) but I do believe that while the children are so young weekend time should be spent with the family. When I then say "Okay, well every second fortnight I will take a saturday off and go into town and shop do girly stuff" he says that I already get a saturday off once a fortnight (my going to work is considered my time).
This peeves me off because I should then be considering his going to work as time off and if that is the case then he is 20 days ahead of me per a month.
I know this sounds trival, but I am exhausted, run ragged, feel as though I have no support already. And now he is taking off every second sunday and I am supposed to just keep on kicking on at home when all I want to do is pass out with exhaustion.
His oldest son (5 years old) already carries on about him being away at work and not spending enough time with him, and then is upset when he goes to his once a week night thing, and now he will not be seeing him on this sunday also.
Sometimes I just hate being a woman, I hate how the whole responsibility of home rests on the woman.
I want to be a man and feel as though I only have to "help out" instead of being actively accountable (if that makes any sense).
Now I just know everyone is going to say that I am being ridiculous, but can I help how tired I am and how I have no support other than my husband.