Thread: it got worse,
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Old 04-26-2008, 11:29 AM   #4
xpoppyx xpoppyx is offline
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Re: it got worse,

thankyou for replying, and its reasurring knowing im not alone here, i was so reluctant to speak out, but ive found it helpful and the advice is much appreciated,,
my family are totally confused by me and have no idea why i am who i am or why i do what i do, at least here i dont feel like im completely crazy,, and i realy have been trying so hard to be more careful, it would be impossible to remove every sharp item from the house,but i reached a stage where i felt i couldnt control the urges, and i just dont know what to do,

i dont want to die, i never have, but i cant kick the habit of cutting, i think your right trg247, it is like an addiction, the feeling, the colour of blood, the scars after,, i know people must think this sounds realy wierd and crazy, but i cant help it, and i know i shouldn;t enjoy it, but i just dont know how to want to stop!,,
ive taken up drawing, reading, exercising, cooking over the years, but nothing seems to keep my mind of SI for long,
i wish i could convince myself its wrong/bad/unaceptable, but sometimes it just feels normal to me!,, i felt like something was taking over in my head, but for the past 7 months ive been on meds i feel like its in control again,,
im sorry, im rambling,, i just cant talk to anyone i know about this, nobody understands how it feels, or how confused my head is all the time,,

grateful as always,
xpoppyx