I am absolutely having full-blown opiate cravings. I feel a little frozen in the daily routine that I love so much. My job is now kicking into full gear after 6 months of "newbie" puttering around.
I couldn't stop reacting strongly last week after being on Wellbuterin and Ativan for 2 weeks prior. So I called my job's EAP and saw this guy who reminds me of Ken from Intervention. I spilled it all. He suggested outpatient treatment 5 nights a week after work. I have run through all logistical hurdles. Deep down, I don't want to go.
I've attended 5-7 NA meetings and they help. But just in the last week I have gotten very down and miss those damn pills. I feel raw. The Ativan helps me sleep. My wife says I jerk around so much in bed that she's afraid I'm going to slug her by accident.
I think I remember postings about Post-Pill Depression...I must be in it.
I think some of my sadness is that my Family Practice doctor left the big practice and now is at a low-income clinic. I know she said we could call her. I wish I could. Not for pills but just because I could always be open with her and she always wanted to fix things. She was kind of like the smart older sister, platonically of course.
My doctor now is my VA doctor who is kind but given the tempo of clients in the VA, hard to see.
Sorry for the whine but I just am really down in the dumps and don't feel like doing much more than sleeping.