Man, you did just the right thing going to EAP when you recognized things were getting rough. Good step, good thinking. To know we need help and to go seek it rather than use is a tremendous leap in growing. I understand you are feeling crummy with cravings, but the important thing is how we react to it, not that the craving occurs.
I don't underplay at all the sadness having a beloved doctor not be there for us. It is a loss for sure. It is in the process of happening to me also and I understand the loss of a doctor who is a friend in the truest sense as well. You know what I did when I found out that my own doctor of 30 plus years is in the process of giving up his practice? I wrote him a long letter and told him how I felt about him, how I would miss him, and how much I hoped his life wouild be happier and less stressful. had I not already been in recovery, I would have for sure downed extra pills to hide from my loss. So, I found another way to cope with it.
I did not seem to have the cravings that plague so many. What I did have though, is intense anxiety when any kind of ordeal, and sometimes when nothing at all, happened. I just worked hard at these times to find things to distract me until the anxiety lessened and then passed. I knew pills were not an option at all, so I had to work to figure out other ways to deal.
Droopy, I am going to tell you the truth. It takes in the vicinity of a year to feel really normal again. That is not just because withdrawal symptoms can keep popping up for a while, but also because it takes time to develop new ways of thinking and dealing with life. While what you are currently going through is difficult, I tell you the truth when I write that this, too, shall pass. New habits and thoughts need to be created and then practiced before they become an embedded part of us. It will happen. GRANNY.. same message to you, Sweetpea. It will happen... calmness, satisfaction, restfulness and happiness will come.
Please, try to be patient, keep working it. I know it is hard, but in terms of our whole life, it is but a fraction to give for the good that will come back to you 100 fold.
Stay strong, believe