Re: It's been 2 months since my husband died
My wife of 10 years died in our front yard two years ago this month. My six year old girl (at the time) found her and came screaming to me. I ran out to find her in a way no one should have to find a loved one. In one instance my world was turned upside down. I felt everything that you are feeling. I felt like a part of me died right there with her. I felt like I could have prevented it from happening. I got many gray hairs and began losing hair from the intense stress I was under. I was 32 at the time.
One day I began shaking horribly and I couldn't stop. If there is such a thing as a nervous breakdown, I was experiencing it. I was yelling, screaming, crying, kicking, I was out of control. I was just so tired, so very tired from the pain.
I got down on my knees and told God I couldn't do this anymore. I can't do this alone. That was a turning point for me.
I had a big responsiblity ahead of me (suddenly becoming a single parent of a six year old and a one year old) and I knew I had two choices. I could either die right then and wander through the rest of my life or I could choose to live with meaning and purpose.
The walk through the valley was tremendously difficult but it is over. I have victory over her death. I know she is in heaven and I have a new life now. To be 100% completely honest with you I have never been happier in my life. I know God far better than I ever have before. I now know why we are here and what life is all about. I feel all of lifes emotions much stronger now because of what I've been through. A lot of people never get life because they never have to go through something so tragic that we have faced. You will make it through this tough time and you will be a better person because of it.
You are a good person Donnetta and I will be praying for you.