Re: I feel lost...boyfriend is the cause?
When you have known somebody for a long time and are used to have them in your life, it can be very hard to let them go just because you can't imagine life without them - no matter how bad life WITH them is. You just have to come to a point where you acknowledge how unhappy you are and realize that if you want to get back to enjoying life then you have to make a change and let go of the person holding you down.
Any self-respecting man would not want his girlfriend paying for the majority of dates. The ratio of guy to girl paying should be 90/10. You should find yourself a man, not a boy.
The grass is always greener on the other side...until you get closer and see that it's astroturf~