Re: I feel lost...boyfriend is the cause?
It sounds almost as if he has taken on your life as his life --- staying at your place, going out with you and your friends, hanging out with your guy friends...no wonder you are so stressed out - you have no life of your own anymore. It must be incredibly difficult to have nothing that is just yours anymore.
The most difficult part of breaking up is losing that companionship. You are cutting out the one person in your life who you have talked to daily and spent so much time together - it's a sudden loss of your closest friend. The problem here is, you really don't sound happy and you have to make the choice to make the change for yourself. I'm sure you care about this guy, but if deep down you are having more sad times than happy moments, it's time to pull the plug.
I know what mean when you say "I have thoughts about breaking up with him every single day, but then I just think about how much I would miss what we had and how i'd be awfully jealous of his future girlfriends. It is almost like I'm addicted to him." because I remember thinking this about an ex-boyfriend. I didn't want him anymore, but I didn't want anyone else to have him -- sounds silly, I know, but that was honestly how I felt. I stayed with him longer than I should have because of this and then finally ended it. It was difficult for a while because like I said, that guy that you talked to every single day is suddenly not there anymore (because you can't keep calling eachother or nothing will change) and it is a huge loss; however, it was the best decision I could have made for myself. Looking back, he was just not the right guy for me. Maybe you are at this point now where you realize you should be enjoying your boyfriend's company and not feeling slightly suffocated or depressed by it. Remember, you will find someone else and hopefully the next guy will be the perfect match.
I wish you the best in your decision....but definitely do what's going to make you happy!!