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Old 06-22-2003, 12:42 PM   #1
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Question Serious Question for Men - From Woman

I have been with my husband for 15 years. I know that he masturbates; he does it when we're intimate and he does it in the shower (although I don't know how often). We've discussed the 'act' of masturbation a lot...I do it, he does it, we do it for each other and when we're alone. He does get a bit elusive about talking about it when we're not intimate and would rather 'not discuss it'.

What I'm wondering, though...and this may just be female insecurities, if there is less sex going on in the bedroom, does it mean he's masturbating more in private? I have noticed that he is not able to keep an erection during sex and I'm not sure if it's because I don't pleasure him the way he does himself (pressure, sensitivity, form-wise). I'm 33 years old, and know I'm not a spring chicken, but I'm wondering if it's me that's not satisfying him as well as he satisfies himself. I do notice that when I am giving him oral sex, he does want me to go "deeper" or "harder", not unlike actual intercourse and when I'm masturbating him, he likes to 'take over' after a few minutes...I don't know if I'm not applying enough pressure or if he has his own 'certain' way about doing it. I've watched him enough to know 'how' to do it, but not sure if it's a pressure thing or if I'm doing it a certain way for too long and need to 'change up'...you know, like he would if he were doing it himself. I am completely okay with him taking over, but don't want him to do it alone if I'm a willing participant.

Do any of you men think that you may be in this same predicament or is there some advice you can give me...heck ANY responses would be welcome (except the profane, of course).

Bottom line, does masturbation (duration, intensity, frequency) affect actual intercourse? And if so, how can I do anything differently in order to be satisfied and satisfy him at the same time? I certainly wouldn't ask him to stop or to cut back, mainly because I have no control over when/how often he does it.

When he can't keep an erection, he seems upset and has expressed that he doesn't want me to think that he 'can't please his wife'.

So is this all in my imagination?

Thanks for any responses.