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Old 10-06-2008, 08:43 PM   #1
meditation meditation is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: The Sunshine State
Posts: 223
meditation HB User
What causes this?

Hello. I have been on Healthboards for a while.....though in differing areas.

I guess I came here because I am trying to make sense of this...But, I don't know.

I started cutting myself at 15. I wasn't trying to kill myself. But, for that period of time in my life, a was going through severe pain issues and multiple surgeries. Looking back at it, there was a lot of pent up anger with my family. I was this sickly creature, one who could barely lift her head up off her pillow, and my family just 'abandoned' me.

Eventually, I got away from all of it. I graduated high school (which was a huge accomplishment for me) and I went to college. I stopped cutting myself for a couple of years....It started up again after I was a victim of a violent crime.

I stopped, again, for almost 15 years. I underwent major surgery. One that did not help my severe pain. I find myself cutting again, well out of my teens and twenties.

Is it weird to say it is a release? Is it wierd to say that it helps me cope with my pain issues?

Is therapy the only option for help?

Perhaps, I just don't know (still) how do deal with anger...or, for that matter physical pain. But, for some odd reason, a part of me feels better once I cut....because the physical pain that has plagued me for 4 years (again) feels a little less overwhelming.

Does anyone have advice?

On any of this? Of how to find someone (in the treatment world) who understands this? Who doesn't see it as suicidal idealization?

Thank you,
new to this board.....meditation