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Martha H · 11-11-2008, 12:22 PM

Hi Caringsister.

If you cannot do the hands on caregiving, then please do give your sister 100% support as she tries to deal with this almost inhuman situation. With pinch marks up and down her arms, she is being physically abused. I wonder what her psychological reasons are for keeping Mom at home with her under such obvious abuse. I am glad Mom will get some kind of sedation and maybe even be able to go to the day care center again --- but, meanwhile, your sister is using up her own resources, putting her own health in grave danger, and making her life a misery, unnecessarily.

Once a clear seeing outside professional person recommends a nursing home, this really ought to be the path taken. At the least your sister or you should be looking into all the facilities in your area, finding out what they cost, visiting them to see how good the care is, making plans for the time to come. Remember, these patients get worse before they get better. (in the final stages they are usually so apathetic that they no longer are dangerous to themselves or others.)

Please stay involved as much as you can, give your sister some time off, listen when she needs to vent, don't criticise her, and gently but repeatedly advise a GOOD loving NH ...

I wish my sister had been that helpful. I was the live in carer, she was outside, several states away, but when I needed to vent she accused me of exaggerating Mom's condition, making myself important, advised me to quit my job and stay with Mom 24/7, and in the end actually said Mom would be better off alone than with me. She vetoed a NH, she was aganst a HHA, and refused to pay her share of having such an aide for all the hours I was at work, saying Mom sleeps until she comes at 9. Mom never slept that late and did some terrible things during those hours alone. I could not talk to my sister about it, she was only dismissive, saying "it's all your fault" and ''you only need to get Mom to drink more water" or "stop her from watching so much TV" etc.. Many half thought out answers, no real help.

By coming here you show you are a caring sister.

Love,

Martha

11-11-2008, 12:22 PM	#2
Martha H Senior Veteran (female) Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Middlebury, IN Posts: 4,698	Re: Okay so here's the latest . . . Hi Caringsister. If you cannot do the hands on caregiving, then please do give your sister 100% support as she tries to deal with this almost inhuman situation. With pinch marks up and down her arms, she is being physically abused. I wonder what her psychological reasons are for keeping Mom at home with her under such obvious abuse. I am glad Mom will get some kind of sedation and maybe even be able to go to the day care center again --- but, meanwhile, your sister is using up her own resources, putting her own health in grave danger, and making her life a misery, unnecessarily. Once a clear seeing outside professional person recommends a nursing home, this really ought to be the path taken. At the least your sister or you should be looking into all the facilities in your area, finding out what they cost, visiting them to see how good the care is, making plans for the time to come. Remember, these patients get worse before they get better. (in the final stages they are usually so apathetic that they no longer are dangerous to themselves or others.) Please stay involved as much as you can, give your sister some time off, listen when she needs to vent, don't criticise her, and gently but repeatedly advise a GOOD loving NH ... I wish my sister had been that helpful. I was the live in carer, she was outside, several states away, but when I needed to vent she accused me of exaggerating Mom's condition, making myself important, advised me to quit my job and stay with Mom 24/7, and in the end actually said Mom would be better off alone than with me. She vetoed a NH, she was aganst a HHA, and refused to pay her share of having such an aide for all the hours I was at work, saying Mom sleeps until she comes at 9. Mom never slept that late and did some terrible things during those hours alone. I could not talk to my sister about it, she was only dismissive, saying "it's all your fault" and ''you only need to get Mom to drink more water" or "stop her from watching so much TV" etc.. Many half thought out answers, no real help. By coming here you show you are a caring sister. Love, Martha Last edited by Martha H; 11-11-2008 at 12:24 PM.