Re: my rant for today!!!!
I'm so sorry that on top of your heartache, you're being made to feel unappreciated and guilty about this. You sound like the kind of person who, if you're needed, you're always right there! And that's such a blessing to so many people. But you have to be realistic. You can't be everything to everybody. You were right not to go. Your own health is going to suffer if you spread yourself too thin. You simply can't be everywhere and do everything. If you try to do that, you'll end up not being any help to anyone!
I wonder if your BIL is like my husband. My husband doesn't do blood. Or hospitals. Or vomit. It's not that he isn't willing. It just makes him gag. He once called me at work when one of the kids got injured at the park and needed stitches. He just couldn't handle it. I had to get co-workers to cover my patients for the rest of my shift and go home, wrap up the crying child, and get him to the ER. Or the one and only time he's ever cleaned up vomit: when our then-3-year-old came into our bedroom in the middle of the night not feeling well and let it out all over his side of the bed! It was either clean it up or wait until I was good and finished helping the little one! I'm just trying to give your BIL the benefit of the doubt, but when push comes to shove, he'd better get over that! My hubby did when I had to have major surgery. I couldn't reach the dressings on my back, so he had no choice but to help me. He rose to the task. BIL will, too, but he might need a push. I hope you and he can talk about your experience with your mom. Maybe he'll realize that he can benefit from what you've learned.
Hang in there, sweetie. Don't let yourself feel guilty over this. Just keep letting your sister know you love her and will help her and BIL as much as YOU'RE ABLE. I'm sure she knows already!