Re: I can't talk to anyone about the way I feel
I completely understand your pain. Unlike you I didnt have the best relationship with my father and that has affected my relationships with men. Like you I suffer this pain and share it with my mother and often have my feelings dismissed as well.
I also am a bubbly person and always had such great energy--the life of the party until I lost myself and didnt feel good enough and allowed my life to go to a standstill.,
Cancelling on friends, laying in bed, not returning calls--shutting myself out and then i would wonder and hate myself for being alone on the weekends.
But you remember that you are beautiful and your are loved and what happened with your mom and dad was NOT your fault. Perhaps you can write him a letter and tell him that you miss him and love him and would like to attend a therapy session with him so you two can both heal properly.
I pray that you will be okay.