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Old 01-09-2009, 09:48 PM   #1
gypsy12 gypsy12 is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: texas, usa
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gypsy12 HB User
need advice on how to cope with relatives after a loss

my grandfather passed away recently after six months of illness one month of which was hospice care.

we'll tensions are pretty high between my mother (he was her father) and my aunt/grandmother. my mom takes after GP and is very reserved and keeps her emotions to herself. my aunt and grandma are the exact opposite. i knew this was going to be a problem from the start. i knew my grandma/aunt would expect things from my mother that she wouldn't be able to give. so i made a point of telling my grandmother whenever i would visit grandad, that my mom didn't deal with emotional situations welll and that she kept to herself when upset. well it fell on deaf ears.

when grandad was home that final month my mom spent 4 (18 hour) nights a week there to help my grandma, and my aunt would come up on saturday to stay one night. my mom had major surgery in May and probably shouldn't have been exerting herself so much and it made her feel crappy. needless to say when GP died she was exhausted and probably relieved.

well, let me get to the point. mom never heard "i love" you growing up and while she respects her family its her husband and children who she loves. my grandmother and aunt are wanting from her emotional support she cant give. she never got a thankyou from my grandmother for her help. my aunt has made degrading remarks. now i know what i'm about to say may seem harsh but its what i feel. i feel they are using my grandfathers death as an excuse for their behavior. for the last 6-7 years my grandmother refused to celebrate her wedding anniversay because she said marrying my GP was a huge mistake. now she is holding his memorial serivce on the day of ther anniversary. that was a day that meant nothing to her for the last 7 years. i'm sure she is full of guilt and that has alot to do with it. my aunt is a difficult person and cant keep people in her life. her parents are the only ones who have always been there. so losing her dad is a blow. its hard. i'd be devestated if i lost my mom or dad.

so now the memorial services is coming up and i'm dreading it. im waiting for the masked insults and curt remarks from my aunt and grandma and it makes me sick. i love my grandma, i know her flaws but she has always been good to me. but the way they are treating my mom feels like a personal attack. it doesn't seem to bother my sisters or my dad (they are just angry) but im hurt. i loved my grandpa too! but me and my mom have to grieve our own way.