Hey, Broadway... Your post sounds a bit like me when I was in highschool, so my heart aches for you I think I know how you feel. I am now a college student, and last year I lived on campus, which is an hour away from home... It was a horrible experience for me. Like you, I often went whole days without breathing so much as a single word. I walked around campus with my head down, ashamed, feeling that others would look down on me, and tried to avoid all personal contact. I associate this time in my life with solitary confinement. I have never felt more alone.
You say you will be going to college soon too... I know you feel a lack of trust in councelors, but at college they aren't going to call up your parents like in a small school. When I lived on campus I wish I would have built up the courage to go get the councelling I needed. Because I know how terrible and stressful feeling this way is, I wish that no one else would have to feel this.
I have gotten a lot better though, than I was a few years ago. I did silly things that helped me change and build up self-confidence. I think it is important to realize that most people are very accepting of all others. It is human nature to desire a sense of belonging, so naturally we accept others in hopes that they'll return the acceptance. I have found that the majority of people I've come across in life are essentially warm, good-hearted people. Perhaps you should begin to think of others as being 'just like you' rather than as critics.
Now I don't know what your self-image is like. Personally, I always had a negative self-image. If this applies to you... I know this is silly... maybe you might want to try something a friend once suggested to me. He told me that everymorning when I woke up, I should stand in front of a mirror, look myself in the eyes and say "I am a smart, beautiful person" until I actually believed the truth. This is silly and I laughed the first few times I tried it, but somehow it increased my self-confidence and helped me feel less afriad when interacting with others.
I hope this helps a little, and if not, perhaps it is at least comforting to you to know that there are people out there 'just like you' and that I cared enough about you and your problem to reply. I do not reject you, and there is no reason anyone else should.
I hope that you are able to overcome your problems.
Hope, Light, and Love... http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif
[This message has been edited by ShadowDragon (edited 12-17-2002).]