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Old 02-07-2009, 02:57 AM   #1
_Paul _Paul is offline
Senior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Hampshire, England
Posts: 113
_Paul HB User
Depression/Stress

Hi Everyone,

I am new to the boards, but reading some of the posts i am finding i can really relate.

I am struggling with stress/depression. I think it all stems from my work. About 9 months ago now i had a major panic attack at work, i just felt like i could not do the work and i could not cope. I started to hyperventilate. Anyway i was signed off work for 2 weeks with stress and put on Citalpram. It has not been the same since this first breakdown. I have had 2 more breakdown since the first, the second of which my legs gave way and i fell to the floor.

I am back at work now but still really not coping. I have been back and forth to the doctors and tried telephone councilling, but nothing helps. I went back to the doc 2 days ago and he has increased my AD's to 45mg of Mirtazapine, so i hope this helps.

I feel that since my first breakdown, it is so easy to give in, not cope and panic than prior to my breakdown. This stress has caused terrible depression. I took three days holiday last week just because i could not bear to go to work. I did nothing but stare at the wall at home. I used to have such motivation to do jobs around the house and spend time with my children, it is now a struggle for me to get out of bed. I have started drinking everyday, i was always liked my alcohol but nowadays i need it as a form of relief.

I loath going to work each day, i am depressed at home in the evening because of the thought of work the next day. When i actually get to work each day i feel physically sick. My bosses for the most have been good, and usually give me no pressure jobs, but i am finding i put pressure on myself. I feel like i can't cope with any job and that i am not good enough to do the work anymore, which is a little strange since i have been doing the same work for 11 years now. It is terrible it's ruining my life, i feel so guilty because i know my wife is being so supportive and i realise i am not doing enough around the house or with my children but i just can't get my mind from thinking negative thought. My problem is i think to much, i really wish i could stop my mind from wandering each day and just concentrate on my work. My working day seems so long because i focus on the negative all the time. This stress/depression is effects my entire life and i know i should concentrate on the now, but i keep thinking how will i cope with another 30 years of working life.

Anyway, sorry for rambling on. It just feels good to vent my feelings and share with other similar minded people.

Many thanks
Paul