Re: Bipolar wife. PLEASE help !
Dear Black Sea,
I am absolutely moved by your post. Im not sure that I have the same diagnosis as your wife (I have been diagnosed with depression and ADD) but I feel lately that my body chemistry has changed in the 4 years since my last child was born and the drug regimen that once worked for me fairly well, isn't quite doing the job. I decided that since I have been on some sort of med for depression for 15-20 years now and that I want to find out how "bad" (or possibly good?) things are without anything and start fresh perhaps with a new med assessment. As much as I would give to not need a med I realize that I probably always will and look forward to feeling (and being) normal again. I feel like I have some of the same indications as your wife although perhaps not as bad yet (maybe because I have been medicated for so long?) and yet I can totally see myself in her shoes and it scares the pants of me. Sometimes I feel like my thoughts are so confused that the only thing that helps me just focus and relax is to "shop". I am the daughter of a very strict banker and fear finacial ruin terribly so I am very careful with money and when I feel the need to shop I go to Good Will... it's the only thing that gives me solace right now while weening off my current meds. It's all the same though I think and I don't feel like any family can afford to just shop all the time. Okay... Im not sure what my point here is but I can almost feel the pain your wife is in on the inside and it has helped me to hear a caring heart ask for help for himself and for her. I am divorced from the father of my little girls and now remarried to a very patient and wonderful person but every day I wonder and feel guilty that maybe my illness is what caused me to leave my first husband... I truly thought he didn't care anymore and was only with me because he is Catholic and it would have been terrible for him to be the one to ask for the divorce... so I did. I don't know what it's worth but I thank you for realizing your wife has a serious problem and not just giving in, I know it must be hard for you. After I left my husband I had a major depressive episode and although I didn't want to kill myself, I knew I was at my wits end and couldn't help myself... so I checked myself in to a very reputable rehab/ institution (my doctor hinted that unless I was thinking about killing myself theyd probably put me on a very lengthy waiting list so I had a friend drive me over and I told them I was considering it.. they got me in right away). There I learned that I wasn't alone... and also learned how to handle difficult situations... one of the biggest "eye openers" was confronting how i was behaving and finding ways to confront and combat the moods. I met others with the same diagnosis as well as those diagnosed with other disorders and it has helped me more fully understand my problems. I don't know if your wife is desperate enough for in-patient therapy yet but it was the most incredible life-changing experiences of my life and maybe that would be an option (depending on insurance, unfortunately) before you ever consider giving up on her? You have helped me see myself in some way and see what my family may be going through to some extent now or in the future if I don't find a med. I KNOW you are about at your wits end and I hope you can see her problems through to helping get herself back on track... she will have to make the decision herself however to get better and realize she must be medicated. I don't know if this has helped you or confused you but I thank you ecause i has helped me and my family and I wish you and your wife well... I know she is suffering too. Good luck.