Re: My Story
My Dad died in 1995, July. We were there in Pennsylvania but I had just left him after spending numerous hours at the hospital. When I came home to sleep and get a bite to eat, my sister and mother went to be with him.
When they left him at the end of visiting hours, and was pulling out of the parking lot, he went into cardiac arrest and died.
I answered the phone and got the message because I knew my mother and sister weren't strong enough to deal with it. I also called the funeral palor to get him back to New Jersey for the burial.
I didn't cry much during the process. I was stoic and strong. My breakdown occurred about 4 to 5 months later as I was driving down the street. I pulled into the back of a lot and sat there, screaming and crying. It brought a poor cop out to find out what was happening. When I explained, he said "okay, you cry it out and I'll sit over there. If you need anything, simply flash your headlights" I'll stay with you until your through and he did.
I cried for about 45 minutes straight. It was a release and I felt better.
A few months after that, my husband was woken by my kids who said they hear mommy downstairs crying. he came down only to find me napping on the couch and crying in my sleep. He woke me up, we talked and that was it. I don't cry that often about my Dad.
So, there's no timetable for when it happens, or how soon or long after a burial. Give it up when it does, you'll be at peace afterward.
I lost my wonderful husband in April of 2005 suddenly in front of my face when I was not more than a foot away and this was 2 hours after he was released from the hospital. I still cry off and on about the injustice of it all but for all the tears there is laughter and smiles as well.
I hope it helps you heal. Don't carry anger, it will fester inside you and cause all sorts of health problems.