Re: My Story
Aeryn,I'm very sorry about the loss of your dad.I lost my dad on August 17th 2008.
Whether you were close or not,it's still going to hurt because he was your father and no one can ever take his place.It does hit at strange times and out of nowhere.I can just be on a walk or watching tv,and I'll just say, "I miss my dad."-because I do.
I loved him so much,and we were very close.We spoke everyday and saw each other at least weekly.Sometimes he would spend a few weeks at a time with me and my family because that's where he wanted to be and it made him happy.
My dad died as I held his hand.I just hugged him and cried and said, "no dad don't die."(-after I had told him that it was okay to die about 10 minutes before.)
I didn't want him to suffer (the tumor in his lung was cutting off his breathing as it was growing until he couldn't breath anymore) and trying to keep him holding on any longer would have been selfish of me.It's such a hard thing to go though.His heart kept beating for a few more minutes after he stopped breathing.He had a strong heart and his kidneys were fine,if only the tumor could have been removed,he'd probably still be here.But surgery wasn't an option.My dad was very active and even held a part time job cooking, until he was 80 yrs.old.He continued to do his masonary and yard work up until the few months before he died.He was very active which kept him strong.
When we brought him home from the hospital and he was feeling better,he went in the back and began to sweep the driveway,but just got so winded and couldn't do it.That was the last time.I think that was probably the worst part for my dad-not being able to do the things he did daily that he enjoyed,like working in the yard.
I didn't really cry at the wake or the funeral.( I was probably all cried out from the 6 days/nights I spend at his bedside while he was in the hospital, before he came home with me on hospice.) I'm sure God and my dad helped me to keep it together which I never thought I could do.But when we came home,and he wasn't there anymore,I cried.I'm crying now.We miss them and that's okay.There is no time limit for us to grieve.
It helps to talk about how you feel and what you are going through.It also helps other members on the board (myself included).
Don't worry about everything you wish you didn't say.Leave the past in the past and try to think of the good things.You'll always have your memories.
Thanks for letting me share mine.
God bless you and your family,