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Old 04-26-2009, 06:58 PM   #4
Rosaflor Rosaflor is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2006
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Re: How do I help my friend?

There is a cynical definition of family as "a dictatorship ruled by its sickest member". When an ill or elderly person demands that nobody but one particular child be the caregiver, we see this in action. Paid help is refused, church volunteers are refused, nursing home is refused, everything is refused, except for the one child who has been put in the role of Human Sacrifice. If a three year-old were having tantrums because he didn't want to go to the doctor, we would bundle him up politely and put him in the car, not because we are being sadistic to the child but because we know two things: 1) what needs to be done and 2) that letting the child make the decision is not the wise course of action. Why is Mother being allowed to call the shots here? See if there is an ally you can bring in---a clergyman, perhaps, or a trusted family friend? Or Mother's doctor? Other family members may or may not care what is happening to your friend since, after all, he is letting them get away scot-free while doing the whole job himself.