Re: i need help coping with the loss of my husband
Sorry I was late in replying but I'm usually in another board and don't frequent this too often but your message drew me in the first time.
My husband doesn't 'visit' me that often. When he does I usually immediately start crying and he hates it and gets all mad so he is staying away until I can see him, enjoy his visit, without the hysterics.
My Dad is another story. He died in April of 1995 and I'm lucky to say that I still 'see' him. My Mom and Sister never could. What I mean is I close my eyes, and call out to him mentally, telling him I need to talk with him about something. Then I sit and wait. If he's not busy, he'll show up.
The scene is always of me in a field of sweet grass (kinda like a cow pasteur). -- I live in a city so this is a funny concept that I never understood. There's a tree and my father is standing underneath it and there's a white picket fence about waist high separating me from his side of the pasteur. Other times, I'll 'see' him (picture in my mind)sitting in the lawn chair on our front porch and I'll sit nearby and tell him my trouble or what is happening. I was sent these instructions from his side of heaven so I hope it helps you understand things:
if you suffered here on earth whether it was an illness or being blind or deaf, etc. When you arrive in heaven you are no longer in pain and you are whole. You are able to see and hear, walk, and everything else.
When Daddy died, he went to heaven and was processed or orientated. He was then assigned babies born at that moment as their guardian angel. He can't be a guardian angel to my kids (his only grandkids) because when they were born, they were assigned to someone else. He's allowed to provide input to their guardian but he can't interfer with their fates.
God's angel asked him what age were you the most happiest -- then poof, you are that 'age' forever. Some people are happier as young children, others in their 30's and many others older. But they way they become after death is how they stay forever. My father chose 40's so that's how I picture him.
My Dad can come through to me -- in my mind but I can't reach out to touch him or hug him.
While they know others in heaven were their earthly family members -- there's no 'family' feelings pulling at you. Everyone lives together is harmony but you do 'feel' things more strongly towards one person walking around than many of the others. But there's no 'family' households in heaven, everyone is just there and everyone just takes care of any little ones who arrive.
My Mom died in February, I don't feel any kindred to her and won't 'see' her in my mind. As I also lost manyothers -- some very close to me and others not and not too many come through.
Read the book 90 Minutes in Heaven by Don Porter. He was in an accident and died and was declared dead for a full 90 earthly minutes -- he went to heaven and saw how wonderful it was but he was pulled back to earth and recuperated. he is now touring countries telling people of his encounter.
I don't have pychic (sp?) ability and I can't see anyone else other than my father most times and my Mikey once or twice. Some people want to keep that earthly connection and others (this is my Mikey) love heaven so very much that they have no reason to stay connected with us. So not 'feeling' or 'seeing' is not meaning they didn't love you and continue to love you but they are made to do so much there, they may not have the time to visit.
I asked Mikey -- before he died -- to make sure he sends me a message that only I would know came from him. At times when I'm thinking about him, an old Doo Wopp song comes on the radio.
My Dad and my guardian angel always provides money to me. Pennies from heaven but mine are sometimes nichles, dimes, and even a 50 cent piece once. Each time I come across coins on the road or sidewalk or a parking lot or on a table when that table had been cleaned minutes before -- I know that I was thought about. I'll pick it up, kiss it, hold it up to heaven and say 'thanks'
Please read the book. It sure helped me accept the loss of my Mikey. When the angels came to get him, I was not a foot away! but I was able to know that he was tired in his illness and really, really wanted to just get there and start playing. I'm fine with knowing I'll see him someday.