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tigerlilyx61 · 12-10-2009, 05:17 AM

Here is my story in a nutshell. Met husband at 19. He was 21. Lived together for 4 years before marriege. Sex was OK but there was a lot of partying going on so not a real good indication of what a normal sex life with him would be like. Married after 4 years. Within the first year the lack of sex became a problem and has continued to be a problem. He has little to no libido. We have talked about it so many times I am talked out. He knows it is an issue for me. We have been to counseling several times. Things get better for a short period of time and slowly revert back to the way they were. We haven't slept in the same bed for 20 years because he snores. He has put on 100 pounds since we got married. He did go to the doctor to have his hormones checked and he did have low testosterone but it was such a pain to get into the doctor's office that he didn't go back. Plus he's not that motivated. It's not a problem for him so. I have told him I feel as though he doesn't really care for me because I would think if you did you would try to accomodate that with which your partner was unhappy about. I have tried to explain to him how the lack of intimacy impacts every area of our life but he refuses to see it. I have been at the point for the last 2 1/2 years that I don't want to have sex with him. Not that he's really tried...although he did start going to counseling over a year ago and the counselor must have suggested he should but I just can't. I can not allow myself to become emotionally invested in that way. So currently we are living more as roommates raising our 14 year old daughter.

BUT...here is the thing. A couple of months ago I started looking outside my marriage. I figured I couldn't be the only one in this position. So I met this guy a couple of months ago and met him in person for the first time last week. Things progressed very rapidly and we are currently intimate. He is super super HOTT, and nice, gentle and sweet. Of course I realize I just met him and things may change but for now I am happy to be where I am. To have someone want me sexually feels amazing. I was faithful to my husband the whole time...we have been together for almost 30 years. I have no guilt about doing this. I feel like I gave him plenty of opportunity to change but he has chosen not to. And I don't want to divorce right now because of the expense, aggravation and our daughter.

So my question is has anyone else gone through this? I guess what I am hoping for is that it will allow me to be married without feeling so much bitterness. Is that possible? I have actually told my husband on several occasions that I was going to do this and he just ignores me...seems to be his favorite method of dealing with things. If he ignores it it will eventually go away. Do you think I will fall in love with this guy? I can already tell I am starting to have feelings for him and I am scared as hell.

12-10-2009, 05:17 AM	#1
tigerlilyx61 Senior Member (female) Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: somewhere NY USA Posts: 192	sexless marriage Here is my story in a nutshell. Met husband at 19. He was 21. Lived together for 4 years before marriege. Sex was OK but there was a lot of partying going on so not a real good indication of what a normal sex life with him would be like. Married after 4 years. Within the first year the lack of sex became a problem and has continued to be a problem. He has little to no libido. We have talked about it so many times I am talked out. He knows it is an issue for me. We have been to counseling several times. Things get better for a short period of time and slowly revert back to the way they were. We haven't slept in the same bed for 20 years because he snores. He has put on 100 pounds since we got married. He did go to the doctor to have his hormones checked and he did have low testosterone but it was such a pain to get into the doctor's office that he didn't go back. Plus he's not that motivated. It's not a problem for him so. I have told him I feel as though he doesn't really care for me because I would think if you did you would try to accomodate that with which your partner was unhappy about. I have tried to explain to him how the lack of intimacy impacts every area of our life but he refuses to see it. I have been at the point for the last 2 1/2 years that I don't want to have sex with him. Not that he's really tried...although he did start going to counseling over a year ago and the counselor must have suggested he should but I just can't. I can not allow myself to become emotionally invested in that way. So currently we are living more as roommates raising our 14 year old daughter. BUT...here is the thing. A couple of months ago I started looking outside my marriage. I figured I couldn't be the only one in this position. So I met this guy a couple of months ago and met him in person for the first time last week. Things progressed very rapidly and we are currently intimate. He is super super HOTT, and nice, gentle and sweet. Of course I realize I just met him and things may change but for now I am happy to be where I am. To have someone want me sexually feels amazing. I was faithful to my husband the whole time...we have been together for almost 30 years. I have no guilt about doing this. I feel like I gave him plenty of opportunity to change but he has chosen not to. And I don't want to divorce right now because of the expense, aggravation and our daughter. So my question is has anyone else gone through this? I guess what I am hoping for is that it will allow me to be married without feeling so much bitterness. Is that possible? I have actually told my husband on several occasions that I was going to do this and he just ignores me...seems to be his favorite method of dealing with things. If he ignores it it will eventually go away. Do you think I will fall in love with this guy? I can already tell I am starting to have feelings for him and I am scared as hell.