i have had ROCD since before i can remember, but when i try and explain to people or family, they just say im scared of commitment or that i have been spoilt and are a Mummys boy for still being 36 years old and at home!
i am still in contact with my EX, but i havent text her since Wednesday evening where her texts were not as they used to be, fairly cold infact
my sister keeps telling me i HAVE to move on like she has, she has been going to see my singer from my band that i play in, how messed up is that!
i have to now see them together at ALL my gigs, i feel sick to the stomache....
i am petrified of trying again with her IF my hot sweats, anxietys and all that stuff come back! what if it was the fact that we MAYBE shouldnt have been together and my mind was true?
im so confused at the moment, dont know how to feel or what to do
im getting CBT therapy in February. have become SCARED of all women, even going for a drink with anyone, because all i can see is my exes face staring at me and the closeness we shared when i was relaxed around her
in all of my life, i have NEVER been excited and had that wanting feeling of knowing im gonna see any girl i have been with, and the thing is i want to feel these feelings and be normal like everyone else around me, i went to my friends wedding recently and my EX was there, i had too much to drink and started getting emotional again, but she said stop doing this to me Wayne!
i cant let go, maybe i should, maybe i shouldnt
from what i can tell, i hurt her very badly twice and now with her getting close with my singer as hes had problems with ex girlfriends, they are sharing experiences and becoming closer until BANG!!
apparently he has been there for her when she says i should have fought for her!
she called him her "rock" when she was down
what i dont want to become is what her ex was years ago, when we were together she would constantly get texts from her ex partner and that would anger me, because the fact is she can never let go either!
i dont want to become her ex and feel pitied for and get texts asking me if im ok when i know shes with my singer, if it progresses that way, i understand at the moment they are simply good friends, but she says she is fond of him and that hes a lovely guy, feeling sick even thinking that right now!!
all i can see in my mind is them too happy and having sex together like we used to do, a passion that i cant explain in that department... i will never foget, the thought of EVER being with anyone and kissing them, laughing with them, making love to them makes my skin crawl