Thank you so much for your reply. I literally just sat in my livingroom and cried reading your response, hoping and praying that you are right, and that your words will make me have the strength and courage to get retested again. As you said 3 months is absolute, but ofcourse the mind plays so many tricks and I go back and forth with "what if, what if, what if??"
For soscared, You have nothing to worry about as Kevin mentioned. Oral sex is not a risk for HIV infection, from what I've learned. I put myself in a very risky situation and had unprotected sex three times with the same person, i was dating. I have beat myself up for that and continue to feel guilt and blame for doing something that I'm sure that everyone has done once in thier life. I know I will never do this again enduring so much emotional, and not too mention physical pain (because of the stress its probably doing to my body). But socared, I know where you are and sympathize with you, dont look at your kids anymore thinking you will not be there for them...cause you will be alright
The anxiety and panic over this is making me think some very irrational and outrageous things too, and I wake up in the morning feeling the doom, gloom and depression (drinking, sleeping alot, and withdrawing from friends...its absolutely terrible, trust me I know)
Kevin, thank you again for your compassion, sincerity and for continuing to be on this board. It helps a tremendous amount reading your threads, knowing that someone went through the exact same thing, with lots of symptoms and you had also mentioned you put yourself in a high risk situation too? Sometime I'm curious, what makes you so determined to help others, but whatever the answer is...I am so grateful you are here. I could imagine what you went through for those eighteen months, and so very happy for your outcome at the end. I hope I will have the same outcome too, and that I can have the same sense of conviction to help others the way you do when I am in a better state of mind again.
God bless you both, soscared and Kevin,