Re: "take it like a man" now mariage in ruins
I think a good first step is reaching out and getting some help. I think you should continue counseling on your own. You know you don't love her, never have and never will. No amount of marriage counseling will help that. Shame on her for using your father's words to manipulate you into staying and continuing to be her savior. Obviously her family was not so "Brady Bunch perfect." If they had been, they never would have put the responsibility of the whole family on the shoulders of a practical stranger instead of pulling themselves up by their own bootstraps and providing for themselves.
Being a man doesn't necessarily include sacrificing all your happiness your whole lifeto be some weak, manipulative woman's savior. That's not being a man, that's being co-dependent. Continue counseling and work toward learning how to trust your own judgment, how to rise about your raising and your cold, uncaring father, how to move aheadi in the world and be confident and secure enough to meet people, make friends, and meet a good woman you really can love. Good luck to you.