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Old 03-10-2010, 12:18 PM   #6
Pittsburgh_Flye Pittsburgh_Flye is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: PA
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Re: I'm 45, have no parents left, and am lost...

I too am in a similar situation. I am 36 and lost my mom (and BEST FRIEND IN THE WORLD, EVER) to cancer in Sept. of '07 and I just lost my dad (BEST DAD IN THE WORLD and with whom I too was very close; he lived with me after my mom passed) to cancer as well on Feb. 28th of this year.

I am an only child and I have no family with whom I am close near me. I have an uncle (and his wife) out of state but that's it. I am not married, but I do have a wonderful daughter (6). I have wonderful and supportive friends, but by all accounts, I am fully aware of just how "alone" I am now. I try not to think about it too much, for fear that the sadness, fear and insecurity could rule my life. I need to be strong for my daughter and I want to be - and I am - a great mom to her. Also, I don't want to be jealous of people around my age that still have their parents, but sometimes I can't help it. Hearing them say "my mom" or watching grandparents and children in the mall it really takes me back because I, nor my daughter, will EVER have that relationship again. It's paralyzing at times when the realization crosses my mind.

I fully understand how my mom felt when her mom died. She said a piece of her died too with her mom (they too were extremely close) and I didn't understand how she felt, because, after all, she had me (!), but the fact of the matter is...a child, no matter how old, losing a parent is devastating.

I don't feel there is anyone out there that fully "gets" my situation, no matter how much they try. Even friends who have lost both parents aren't in my shoes - they have siblings and other family. I do not. Any family that I do have, regardless of location, I'm not close with. I won't allow myself to think about how many people I've lost over the past 15 years that I loved, and how different life is for me now as a result. I am not an overly religious person, but I trust that there is a reason why I am - or anyone, for that matter - going thru such tragic losses as we are.

I didn't mean to come to this thread and blab on about myself, but I think if someone else can read this and find solace in the fact that they're not alone, or able to commiserate and feel some sort of comfort, then it's a good thing. I don't wish to isolate myself from my feelings - I think the only way I'll end up surviving this in one piece emotionally is to talk about it and share experiences with others. So to all of you that have posted, I wish you all the best.