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Old 03-29-2010, 10:44 PM   #1
OneSided OneSided is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2010
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Seeing yourself in two places.

Let me first start by saying I am not a cheater. Never have, never will. I've been cheated on and I know how it felt so I would never do it to another person.

That out of the way, some may remember a few weeks back I posted about issues regarding my current boyfriend. Just, lack of common sense respect, acting like a little kid, etc. Go back in my posts and you can read the full story. We did talk about it, and somewhat reach an understanding. Some weekends (Distance, I only see him on the weekends) are better then others. Some he's better, some he slips back into the 'kid' zone. He's good in so many ways minus that. Part of our 'somewhat understanding' is we needed to tell each other when something we are doing bothers one of us. So I told him a couple times when kidding around went too far, and he again just went back to telling me I'm only offended because I'm in a bad mood. Not 'oh, ok, this is what you were talking about, maybe there's something to it.' I was smiling and laughing the entire time before. Rather frustrating.

I feel so mixed, especially now. Things could work with my current boyfriend, I could see them potentially working. Another hiccup is the distance. Only see him on weekends, and he's made it clear he doesn't want to move from where he is. I don't want to move from where I am, so.....who knows. We've only been dating 7 months, so I'm CLEARLY not rushing anything, but just another factor I guess for the future...

But anyway, I'm mixed because I find myself hanging out with a new...friend on some weekdays. We met through a mutual friend who died in an accident over the winter, and took comfort in knowing we both knew this friend, and could converse and talk about everything. We also have more common hobbies, and he's always been more apt to go do/try something or hang out on the fly if one of us had a hard day, or a rough time either in general or regarding thinking of our friend. He's local too, so it's easier. I HAVE NOT CROSSED ANY BOUNDARIES. He has asked if I was single and I said I was not, but did say I wasn't sure where it was going at the time, because that's the truth. We talked about how he was recently divorced himself and knows how that goes. I don't know as much as I'd like to about him just yet but it's one of those unspoken things though that it's clear we both care for each other, as friends yes, but potentially as more. I feel like scum even thinking that while with someone else, but I can't keep it bottled up anymore, it's just stressing me out and I don't know what to do. I will not cross any boundaries, and I will not cheat. Things never 'just happen', and advice to anyone if anyone uses that line with you it's bull crap. Back to subject though..

I feel like such an idiot. I can see myself going potentially either way. I could stay with my current boyfriend, continue to deal with the bi-polar like kid tendencies, unsupportiveness to my goals, and unwilling to put himself out there and try new things, because besides that he's a good guy. I mean, he drives 100 miles to see me every weekend, although he never says, I know he cares. I also hate to say but I think another thing I enjoy is he has...'status'? He's pretty well known, and oddly I think a part of me enjoys knowing I date someone like that, I don't know.

Or I could let him go, and get to know my new friend more. Could go somewhere, could not. No idea.

I'm young yet, but I don't want to let something go that could have been better for me.....

What happens when you find yourself envisioning yourself in two scenarios? How do you choose? I'm not by any means asking for permission to have my cake and eat it too, I legitimately just wonder what you think.

What a Twilight scenario....if only one sparkled in sunlight....LOL