Re: help with dating someone with borderline
I cannot over-emphasize the need for the non-BP to protect and define themselves first before making symbolic gestures to protect us BP's. I mean symbolic such as stating reassurance, love, hugging, etc. I love and get addicted to any display from anyone that I will be protected. My past includes sexual abuse where no one protected me, so now as an adult, I seem to love and need that.
I am working on trying to self-sooth so that my BF does not feel responsible for soothing me. In fact, it appears that I will go to anyone before I go to him for soothing, so that he does not accuse me of leeching off him, to which he has an aversion. He lacks empathy, and in a way, it is forcing me to be stronger b/c he is rather clueless about how to help. We are interesting b/c he is controlling and emotionally unavailable most of the time, and I am BP emotional free-for-all. It is NOT the worse combo.
The worst combination is matching an overly nice, giving, empathetic man and a BP women. The BP women will be a vampire to the man. I know it, because I have DONE that to men in the past.