hi, i have evrything u just described and have osteoarthritis. the symptons start slow and gradually get worse, at least it has for me! i was diagnosed last yr and now cannot even brush my own hair because i cant hold the brush!! i know its confusing because u cant see anything wrong with my hands, no swelling or redness just pain, esp as u said in the small fingers (i have both hands) it makes me wonder all the time if i have it or not, but i guess i have to trust the drs lol i'd say get it looked at, if its not then at least u'll know
hope u feel better soon
kate