I'm in a predicament and I really need advice and people to talk to right now...
So my boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years... and lately he's been telling me that he's "unsure" about our relationship and is worried about how much farther it can go.
It started around the time his last semester of college was coming to an end (about 2 months ago), and the workload was consuming a lot of his time. He was reeeally stressing out about it and I felt distanced from him during this period, but I figured it was because he wanted to focus his energy on passing these final classes.
Well, he graduated 2 weeks ago... And I thought we'd be happy again and back to "normal" since he doesn't have school to worry about anymore. I just hoped it was a phase; but we are still having discussions about it now. But the thing is, most of the time he acts like nothing is wrong, he's still affectionate with me and we have a good time together... and then he'll be down in the dumps again and wants to talk about it. I don't know what to do anymore. I've tried to be supportive, loving and strong but it doesn't seem to have much effect on the situation.
He says he's afraid that he's staying with me for the wrong reasons. That maybe the only reason why we are together is because he doesn't want me to be hurt, or because he's comfortable with me and is afraid of change. I keep trying to pinpoint what it is exactly that's making him feel this way. I ask him if I'm too clingy, or if he's just lost interest in me, and he just says no. He's just "confused". How can you not know? I've asked him a few times before, "do you want to break up with me?" and each time he tells me no. And then I ask again if its because he's afraid to hurt me, and says that's a big part of it.
And he adds, he's afraid to end our relationship because of "how we might feel towards each other afterward." He says he really values my friendship and loves to be around me, and says I make him happy. He does not want to lose that.
So I asked him, "If you don't want to break up with me, then what is it that you want?" And again, he just says the tired old "I don't know...", but says he wants to keep trying. He WANTS to see it work out, but is just skeptical that it won't because of his feelings of doubt. Does that make sense? Can you *want* something to work out but still be so confused about it?
Its weird because we still get along so well (we even still have passionate sex), we are close to each others families and we have a close circle of mutual friends. I just think we have so many great things between us and I'm so sad he is thinking of ending it.
Is it because he just graduated college and maybe he's confused about what he wants to do in the future (regarding his career)? And maybe that uncertainty is seeping into our relationship? *Sigh* We both still live with our folks by the way, and I'm still finishing up college.
I even asked him if he thinks we've been together too long, and if he wants to see other people, but says it isn't even the issue... I know we were so young when we first started out, and I honestly did anticipate this happening because of that. But I do love him so much and want to see our relationship work out. I don't want this to fall apart. What should I do? Should I distance myself from him? Be less/more loving? I feel like I'm walking on such thin ice right now, I contemplate almost everything I do or say around him because I don't want to make an irreparable mistake. He means so much to me..
Would a break do anything to help? I just want him to be happy, and confident in what he wants. Its so difficult when he can't even tell me what I can do to change or help. I'm so sick of worrying about his state of feeling, sick of having no appetite and feeling this huge rock in my gut. I just feel like sh*t and I hate it.
The thing that keeps me going is that he said he doesn't want to give up on us just yet. He still has some faith.. but that he doesn't want me to get my hopes up. *sigh* And I'm trying not to, I want to be prepared if and when he decides he wants to part ways, but at the same time I want to think positively.
I mean, is there any hope in this situation at all. Have any of you guys been through this with their SO and have it work out in the end? I'm really sorry that my post isn't the most coherent, its hard to organize my thoughts right now...
Gosh, sorry for the long post