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Old 06-05-2010, 08:54 AM   #4
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Re: Please Help Me, My relationship is dying :(

pinkbunnies - I've been there with someone I was dating, and let me assure you, it's not anything you're doing or not doing, so you really need to get that out of your head. If a man just isn't that into you, that' snot your cue to start twisting yourself into a pretzel trying to be who you think he wants. It just means the two of you are not compatible.

I get the feeling he doesn't want to break up with you, he wants YOU to break up with HIM so he doesn't have to be the heavy, and so he doesn't ahve to deal with you crying, being upset or angry, etc. Just because the sex is still passionate doesn't mean that much. Men can have passionate sex with women they don't even really know or like that much, whose last name they don't even know. Don't let that throw you.

As I said, I went thorugh thsi with an ex who just couldn't make up his mind, and no, it didn't work out. I did what you are trying to do, trying to find that magic formula, and key that will unlock his heart and make him love me unreservedly. But there is no such thing. After two years of on again off again, he left for good and is now happily married to someone else.

I think if it's not right, it's just not right, and you just need to accept it. Do you really want to be with a man you have to keep begging to love you? That you have to convince? I admit, I don't know a whole heck of a lot about love, but it seems to me that it's not supposed to work that way. It's work, but it's not supposed to be this much work.

He knows you're not the one, and he knows he's going to have to break up with at some point, which is why he's told you not to get your hopes up. But he wants to keep you around for now because he's not ready to be alone. He still wants the emotional intimacy, the regular sex, etc. until someone better comes along or until he feels he can handle being alone.

I think the only thing left for you to decide here is, do you want your pain now, under your own control, or later, at his discretion? If it were me, I'd tell him that I love him but if he's this unsure then it makes no sense to be together, to go do his thing, and to call me if he's ever ready to really commit to me.