I'm not that big of a whimp ;-)
I noticed that I may have come across as a spoiled two year old who is thriving on self pity. I am not, I do suffer from depression, and other mood issues, but my personality is that of an insane optimist. The reason why I can't believe that I will feel better once I have transitioned from being able to walk, to using a scooter or chair, is that I refuse to believe that I will be using either until I am actually in it. Unfortunately I am one of those people who fear self fulfilling prophesies, if I think that I will be using a scooter in a year, I will, but if I say I won't I won't. I know it is a subconscious issue, but I have several times experienced thinking that I haven't fallen for a while only to find myself face first in the pavement a minute later!.
Right now I am working towards creating an acceptable future, where no matter what happens, I will be able to do something meaningful every day. I have an organization funding me, and the hope is that I will have a home based internet business within a year. For me it is a way to prepare for the worst without having to think about it every day, as many people have home based internet businesses.
I am getting better at enjoying the now, and I have started writing a blog, which is the best form of therapy I have ever experienced. It is hard to put myself out there, but knowing that people do not consider me a pathetic loser, has helped me a lot over the past couple of weeks. I was also recently put on a drug for ADD, and I have so much more control over myself, I am more optimistic, don't get overwhelmed as easily, and my physical strength has increased significantly (checked with my Dr who said that was possible). It is the best thing that has happened to me in years, I wonder how I could go 35 years without being diagnosed!
I did not mean for this to be so long, but I just really wanted to clear things up and let you know that I am not the pathetic whiner I come across as ;-) Have a great weekend out there in the big world.