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Old 12-21-2010, 09:28 PM   #3
acs7 acs7 is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Pittsburgh, Pa, US
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Re: i need help, i think i'm developing an ED and i don't know what to do

@knittingirl

Thanks for replying. My mother wants me to start seeing a psychologist, not just because of my 'maybe' developing ED, but also because of the fact that I cannot handle any stress this year. I have frequent panic attacks and they have been occurring more than ever. You're right about me wanting control, and I'm honestly trying the fight this as hard as I can, but I'm finding it harder to get myself out of my habits as I fight harder. For example, my father took me to Bob Evans today and I ordered pancakes. I excused myself to the bathroom and looked up the calories on my phone. There were about 300 calories in a stack of pancakes, and I got really scared. I ate one or two bites (which I spat out in my napkin) and refused to eat more. Later on, I had a slice of pizza with no cheese. That was it for the day. I'm getting OBSESSED with calorie counting and feel guilty if I ever go over 800. I've noticed that this has been getting worse since I've gained one pound on the scale. I even went as far as to tell my parents that I was constipated and I needed mineral oil. I understand that I'm being ridiculous, and I know what I'm doing is wrong but I honestly can't stop. It's scary, I hate being like this. I used to love my body when I was 15 lbs heavier but now I feel fatter than ever. I can't even walk through the mall without staring at myself in the mirror for 20 minutes. And I'm afraid for living on my own, because I know my parents won't be there to watch me and there will be no wall barring me from developing a full fledged eating disorder. I honestly don't believe the pychologist will help, I really want to know how I can save myself from developing and ED without help from others.