recovery is really possible?
This is still a terrifying experience to me. Every thought I have causes people in my environment (and sometimes things on the television) to comment. Always negative and/or derogatory. It seems like I am not even supposed to think at all. Every thought brings about a "shut your mouth" or "cool it" or "shut up" or "quit". And what's worse is that no one will admit that they are reading me and responding at all. When questioned about it every one denys that they are doing it. It seems like a terrifying cosmic joke.......or a big riddle I'm supposed to decipher. What's worse is that since this has been happening I find it hard not to think things I don't really mean, and never would mean. Things that are perverted, or violent, or racist or just mean. I struggle to keep a clear-almost-blank mind to keep from being 'convicted' of these thoughts that aren't like me at all!!! 'IT-THEM' treats any mis-thinking just as if I really meant it. I can't even go out in public anymore, or sit in a waiting room.......it's even hard to be in a total SAFE place like with my parents, as I even come up with mis-thoughts against them. They respond (mentally) "how could you?!?"........"you've got some nerve, talking like that"......"how DARE you".....etc.
I'd like to know if recovery is really possible......can we get to some point where it is obvious that this is all Hallucinated and definitely NOT happening???
I find it hard to believe that I am imagining all these co-incidenses......but I pray that that's the case! I just wish I could come to some final understanding that it is really happening or not......so I can ignore 'IT-THEM' as hallucinations, or find some way to deal with this new way of the world........
but this is no way to live!!! Who wants a life where you HAVE to keep a Blank zombie mind, and everyone out in public is accusing you of being all sorts of near-criminal??? I've always stood up for good, as best I can.
Anyhow it helps to know that I'm not alone. Thank you all for reading, relating, responding.
Blessings and good luck
Last edited by Administrator; 01-31-2011 at 02:04 PM.