Re: ADHD FiancÚ is Extremely Frustrating!
Yes, that does sound pretty thoroughly ADHD, especially the big ideas and little follow-through. I was engaged to someone like that, it eventually fell apart, because I just couldn't deal with him constantly failing and then lying to me about what he'd done or hadn't done.
If I was 19 again, and we'd just met, I honestly don't know what I'd do differently. Definitely, you can't be his coach or his therapist or his mommy. I tried to be one or all of those to my ex, I knew it was a bad idea, I thought I was smart enough to pull it off anyway. Guess what, I was wrong. He couldn't be honest with me about his choices and his problems and his fears, because his actions affected me, too. I couldn't be objective in my advice, same reason.
I would look for some professional help here. There are a lot of medications available to treat ADHD, it's quite likely there is a drug that can help him focus without making him feel like a zombie. I did pretty well on Adderall.
Also, an ADD coach is someone who helps people figure out how to get through life. Not therapy exactly, training. I personally recommend Jeannette Wasserstein, I went to her for coaching when I lived in NY and I partly credit her with the 2 advanced degrees I've since earned. The psychiatrist Jesse Rosenthal is also as sharp as a tack when it comes to picking out mind drugs.
Mind you, neither of those people come cheap. But if it will help him get his life together, it's worth the cost.