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Old 02-06-2011, 06:23 PM   #5
Larrylou'smom Larrylou'smom is offline
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Re: Boyfriend answering Craigslist ads?

Mandy - from what I gather from your posts, this all happened a year ago, when you found all this out, and then you decided to go ahead and move in with him anyway, and now you're worried that it might still be going on, even though you haven't seen any evidence that it's still happening, right?

Well, like Reagan said, "trust but verify." I don't think living with someone you don't trust is the ideal situation, and you obviously still don't trust this guy. For good reason. But you're living with him and at least for now have decided to commit to a relationship with him, so at some point, in order for it to work, and for you not to keep tearing your hair out, you must get to a point where you can trust him. I'd say continue to check his email and such for a while, and if you don't find anything suspicious, you need to work on gradually letting it go. You can't live with someone you don't trust. That will drive you crazy. So you must either confirm for yourself that he is in fact now trustworthy and trust him, or leave. There really isn't much gray area here. But no, if you do find that he's continuing in this behavior, you should not "put up" with it. You should never "put up" with anything that hurts you, emotionally or physically, damages your self esteem, or seriously goes against your moral code for the sake of a relationship.

Do you have a job and money of your own? If so, good. If not, get one. Even if you live with someone, you still need to maintain some independence. You have no idea how many women come here in very bad, even dangerous, living situations but can't leave because they don't work and have no money of their own. So I hope you do. Then, if you do find something that doesn't sit right with you, you can just pack up and walk out.