Re: not sure where to go from here
In my opinion, you are still married to him because he wants the best for you. For people suffering from depression though if someone does not understand what you are going through it is difficult for him to understand and get good support from him. You can try but the results may make things worse.
About making changes to improve the quality of your life, it would be a good idea to get therapy and waiting for things before you start is a way of avoiding making changes in your life. Im not suggesting you start next week but make a plan to go to a councellor. You will also need your husband's support. You also need to consider that your kids need you to be happy as well. Otherwise they will inherit depression symptoms from you.