Ambler

Sounds like you have enough pain (both physical and mental) in your life already. You don't need to cut.

There are probably not many professionals who can help you on these boards, however, many of us have experienced similar things and can offer you reasonable advice (although with certain caveats).

Is that the only psychiatric help you can find (2 miles from your home)? I'd guess, especially near Long Island, that qualified doctors offices would be a dime a dozen. After reading your post, I really think you'd benefit from sustained professional help (i.e. therapy).

All I can think is that if you were brave enough to describe your problems here, you are strong enough to move on and accept his decision to leave. Live and learn. Think of the reasons he cited for leaving and reflect on how you can change yourself for the better. Message me privately if you simply need someone to listen to your complaints (thats about all I'm qualified to do).