Re: I'd cut myself if it didn't hurt
Beginning to cut yourself at this time and age won't solve anything. It will just create way more problems in your life than you need. I am 42 yrs. old and started cutting when I was 10, that's 32 yrs of battling this, a very long time. And yes I've went for periods of time without cutting but it always comes back. Beleive me you don't want to have scars all over you so that people are constantly asking you "what happened?" You don't want to have to explain to your 9 yr. old son what you're doing when he catches you, or figures it out, like I had to do my 11 yr old son. There are so many things that go with this type of pain relief that you just don't want to have get in to. And honestly if your scared of the pain, then this isn't really something you want to do. I had to get 74 stitches in 1 year from cutting....none of it hurt, I didn't even feel it. So if your really scared of the pain, then your brain is telling you, "Don't do this!"
Find a therapist, a good talk therapist and talk, don't hold things in, don't keep the pain in, let it out. If it's going to take a little while before you see your doc, get a journal and pour it all out in the pages of that journal. Just write every day until your tired of writing. Take all the pain and anger that's in your head and dump it on the pages of that journal.