View Single Post
Old 05-14-2011, 04:27 AM   #11
tooolgrl tooolgrl is offline
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
tooolgrl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Maine
Posts: 1,176
tooolgrl HB Usertooolgrl HB Usertooolgrl HB Usertooolgrl HB Usertooolgrl HB Usertooolgrl HB Usertooolgrl HB Usertooolgrl HB Usertooolgrl HB Usertooolgrl HB Usertooolgrl HB User
Re: Marriage + FM= Disaster

Oh beautiful Miss Tori..you are a superstar gal, and don't ever forget that. I remember being your age. Kids, raising ducks and geese. Husband who wanted "stuff" every night. Being exhausted, feeling dragged down. Feeling unattractive. I know the whole saga sweetheart..Now, Blue and all the other gals here are right on the money..you need to find YOU, before you can give to anyone. Being a mom obviously the kids come first..In my life, I am single, and I am happy being single, my kids are grown. So in my life now, my pets come first. Then me. See, that is a mom and a woman thing. It shows what kind of stuff you are made of. And believe me honey you are made of some strong, amazingly beautiful stuff. Look in the mirror, there is a beautiful woman there. Someone who has brought beautiful babies onto the planet. Someone who loves unconditionally and selflessly. Tell hubby to get a life, a grip or go to hades. Whatever it takes to get YOU back. If he doesn't back down and help out get him alone where you have his undivided attention and tell him how it is, and how it is going to be. Don't apologize for feeling like crap. It is not your fault all these things decided to invade your body. You are managing fabulously and don't let anyone tell you different. Once you gain that confidence everything is going to find its place. If that means you were meant to be without him, then thats what it is. He needs to grow up, men are such little boys. And if they don't get enough attention they throw a hissy until they get their way. You need to remember he is made of different stuff than you are. And men are blessed with too much testosterone and tunnel vision. He doesn't get it, he probably will never get it. You need to decide if what he has to give you is enough for you to have a good life. I agree counseling would be great if he would agree to go. I feel you keep hitting this wall at 80 mph with him. Don't run yourself ragged trying to do everything girlfriend, because it sounds like it is never going to be enough with him. Time to do for Tori. Kids first, that is a given, then think about you. Let him wallow in his stuff, he knows what you do, he just needs to learn to see and appreciate and it may not be in his makeup. Tell him that he was born with two hands for a reason when he gets on you for intimacy that you cannot muster up to give. It is hard to feel sexy and loving when you are beaten down by the man you married. When you gain the confidence that you need to in order to stand up and be firm with him you will have gained everything..I think you are amazing. And I think I can speak for a lot of the people on this forum. Learn to accept your body for what it is right now. Take one thing at a time, do it and move on to the next thing. Have the kids take on jobs that they can do at their age levels. Kids can do way more than we give them credit for. Rest, rest and more rest. Take care of Tori, if Tori breaks down the whole house of cards will collapse. You are the glue that binds your family. I am sending to you hugs and warm breezes and lots of positive energy and karma. You will find your way, let things happen as they may..Do not let negative stuff get in your way. You were right to hang up on him, don't deal with the negativity. If he chooses not to help you then let it go. I hope everything works out. Marriage is a tough thing to keep together these days. And if you are putting in 70 percent to his 30 its not going to fly..love you tons sista..xoxoxo
peace and love
Sandra

 
The following user gives a hug of support to tooolgrl:
thefarm (05-14-2011)
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to tooolgrl For This Useful Post:
BeHappy2 (05-14-2011), monalisa24 (05-15-2011), thefarm (05-14-2011)