Re: Never thought I'd ever seek for help But I need it
Wow.. Im a bit bothered by some of what you said but at the same time I kinda feel for you (at least your honest). First, you really need to accept the fact that rape doesn't discriminate. Just because a man of certain race violated your gf doesnt give you free reign to despise that whole race. Rapes occur in ALL races so if youre going to uphold this thinking.. hate all races. Anything else just doesnt make sense. (Think about that)
Your mothers teaching is very noble but as youve discovered, some are tainted. Is this a reason to not love her and to feel so terrible about it? Thats up to you but Id say certainly not. I can understand you being so disappointed but if you LOVE her, you should be able to find your way through it.. both of you. If you simply cant... you must let her go for the sake of both and find yourself a virgin.
Nothing can make you equal to her. You sleeping with someone you really choose not to sleep with to come down to her level is just crazy and quite honestly dumb. (I was also bothered by you saying.. "bringing myself down to her position" as thats degrading to her and she doesnt deserve that, rape isnt a choice!!). But, Keep your values. Save yourself for the one you love. Dont try sleeping around to get even.
No matter what you think, your gf did not 'invite rape' by taking rides, gaining popularity, going places with them, etc. and for you to feel this way, again, you discredit her selfworth. You will poison your relationship with these feelings which is why I said you may need to move on and find you a real virgin.. solving all of your issues (thats simple, huh). I warn you though.. I think the statistics are like one-in-four who have been violated. They dwindle further when you try searching for the true virgin.
Of course counseling could help you sort your feelings out but you sound pretty adament about how you feel and what you want and it doesnt sound like she's it. If you truly feel this way.. youd probably be doing her a favor to let her go. I sure wouldnt want my bf feeling so sick and disgusted inside over something I had no control of and that happened TO ME. I would want compassion and understanding, something you dont seem to possess.