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Old 05-18-2011, 03:19 AM   #1
Sharala Sharala is offline
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(female)
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Down Under
Posts: 5
Sharala HB User
My husband just told he wants a divorce...

It's a long and winding story, I'm not in a position or in a good place at the moment to ask your understanding or even write all our story..it's too painful. I've sent a previous e-mail about my marriage in the relationship health-board to get some perspective on certain things...

Today he told me he doesn't want to be with me anymore and wants a divorce.

I know people judge us because we didn't date that long, we got married after a year of knowing each other and the first year has been troublesome. Yes, we've known each other for 2 years, married 1. I've already heard that we got together too soon and everything has happened too soon. Please if you just can look past that and help me. I moved to him to another country and during the year we've moved 3 times. It hasn't been easy and we've faced a lot of stress over work and family issues. But that's not the point.

The point is he doesn't want to be with me anymore. Not because I cheated, not because he has someone else. Not because the everyday life has stepped into our lives...but because of me being such a horrible person. He says I'm great wife but really mean person, I'm great independent woman but unable to be in a relationship. And why? Because I don't know how to communicate in a way he feels comfortable. I don't tell him everything, I don't share all that's in my mind, I make decisions without asking him. I come from a place where women and men sometimes snap at each other, they might pour their own bad day to other person at home, they might take bad feelings out on the other by being grumpy, snappy, annoyed etc. And we know it's not because of us, it's just because it's the way to vent oneself - it's not personal. People aren't always nice and talk nicely, they might say things without thinking, in a hurry, being focused on something else. And I've been doing that. According to my husband I've snapped at him during the whole year over and over again, I give him attitude, I talk to him with what-ever tone, I get annoyed so easily and take it out on him, I ignore him when he's only trying to help, I don't talk if something is bothering me but bottle it up and use it as a weapon in fights ...and yes I can say I do that. I'm not here to start making excuses that I do it because he does this or that or that there's blame in him too. I just say yes, I've done that. We've talked a lot about this - fought mostly and every time he just asked me to stop doing that and start communicating more, in a grown up level. And I can understand that! I have been trying so hard to talk in a right way, not to snap, listen and explain myself, tried to open up and share more. But it's more than 30 years of learned ways to break.....

And now he came to his end of the rope. Ending the relationship has been brought up before but this time he was serious. And I can't blame him. I've pushed him far too many times with my promises of changing myself, trying to be better and keep on failing. I seriously have tried! But I have failed ... And I'm devastated, I'm a mess now - I just cry and cry, trying to put my mind around this. I have no-one to talk to so i keep pouring this out here, in different boards..just to know that someone might be reading and hears me...

How do one survive from divorce? How do you deal with the pain and longing, missing the one you love and coming to terms with the fact that you'll never see that person again? How do you build up a new life and live with yourself when you know you have messed things up? Is there any way to fix things? Can one somehow find a way to be together again?

I know there are people who think I'm crazy for thinking about these things and holding on to the hope of not losing this man forever but that's all I have left. I have my faults and flaws, so does he, but I don't hate him, I don't resent him..I love him with all my heart and just want to be better person. Someone he can be with, trust and believe in. I just want him back! I know he's tired of me, tired of fighting and trying to explain me what he wants. I know what he wants and I've dammit tried but it's not good enough... I just want to go back in time where we, just recently were so happy like teenagers in love, telling each other how much we love and how empty we feel without each other. He's the love of my life and now I 'm losing him...lost him....and I don't know what to do ... ....I don't want a divorce, I just want to be with him!

 
The following user gives a hug of support to Sharala:
belle005059 (11-17-2011)